My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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