I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
