Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
