I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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