We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
