STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
