sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
