Tell her she can't have a vagina
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Actions speak louder than pants.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's get the cat blown out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
