Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
