What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would ride that face into the sunset
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
