Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
