I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
