I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
