No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
