you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
