Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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