if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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