She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am naked and annoyed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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