my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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