soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
