when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My vagina is officially offended.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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