I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
