Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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