No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
