Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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