No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
