ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize