It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
