oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
