Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
