You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
