I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
