Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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