I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize