I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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