woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just invented taco cereal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
