Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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