Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
