Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
