im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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