Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk is not a location!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
