$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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