Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
