If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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