dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
