U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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