I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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