he wants to bone in the snuggie
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
