u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
