They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
