Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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