I wanna passion pit in your ass
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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