just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
