i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
