The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
