I skipped work to stalk him.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
