In America we eat man semen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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