my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
