Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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