when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
