I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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