her vagina looked like bernie madoff
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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