He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
