you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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